Anyone who knows Nellie knows my total and absolute loathing of the glowing rectangle – the phone, the iPad, the laptop, the gaming device – and its appalling disfiguration of our youth. Dr. Jonathan Haidt has documented the resulting wasteland in his New York Times best-seller Anxious Generation, which contains overwhelming empirical data on the mental, physical and emotional damage to young people from digital media saturation. The book title says it all.

And here’s what he said, along with another digital research pioneer, Dr. Jean Twenge, in 2021, after a more than a decade of studying the landscape:

“What is the cost to a young person of these lost hours staring mutely at a screen? Social media is strongly linked to unhappiness, especially for girls, with nearly each hour of use marching toward more unhappiness. Heavy users are almost twice as likely to be unhappy as light users. For boys there is little link to unhappiness until three to five hours a day while for girls the uptick in unhappiness appears after an hour of social media use a day.”

How to fight and triumph over this tidal wave of social media and it’s destructive results? First and last, get control. Yeah, say it with me. You’re the parent, they’re the kid. You rule the house. Start with the below and build from there!

The Cell Phone Contract.

Below are three samples of cell phone contracts between a parent and their child. Why three?

Parents and family have different styles of operation. You’ll find that each of these contracts has varying goals, responsibilities and consequences. I trust one or a mix of the three fits your family situation. Or, cut and paste from all the ideas below - decide what fits!

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The first is from Jennifer O’Donnell and the VeryWellFamily.com website. From her bio: “Jennifer O’Donnell is a former writer for Verywell Family covering tween parenting. She has covered parenting and child rearing for more than eight years as an online writer. She digs camping, family movie nights, and yoga. She has been an active volunteer with a children’s service organization since 2001, working primarily with tweens and teens. On parenting she says: ‘There’s so much to enjoy and a lot to worry about. Find a balance and choose your battles carefully.’”

 Sample Cell Phone Contract for Parents and Tweens By Jennifer O’Donnell / July 30, 2021

Deciding if your tween is responsible enough to have a cell phone isn’t always an easy decision to make. And once you’ve made it, you will still need to teach your child some basic rules of cell phone ownership, as well as the responsibilities that come with having a cell phone.

Creating a cell phone contract between you and your tween is an excellent way to teach your child about these rules and responsibilities, as well as the consequences for not seeing them through. Be sure you go over every item in your contract, giving your child the opportunity to ask questions and even make suggestions.

The sample phone contract below can get you and your child started. Use the contract as is, or edit it according to your own rules and consequences. Review the contract together periodically, as circumstances and challenges may change.

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Sample Cell Phone Contract

This contract between [Parents’ Names Go Here] and [Tween’s Name Goes Here] establishes family rules and consequences regarding cell phone usage.

[Tween’s Name] Cell Phone Responsibilities

Make a list of your child’s responsibilities, such as:

• I will share my phone’s password with my parents and they may use it to check my phone at any time.

• I will not send threatening or mean texts to others.

• I will not text or place phone calls after 9 p.m.

• I will keep my phone charged at all times.

• I will answer or respond promptly when my parents contact me.

• I will not bring my cell phone to the family dinner table.

• I will not go over our plan’s monthly minutes or text message limits. If I do, I understand that I may be re- sponsible for paying any additional charges or that I may lose my cell phone privileges.

• I understand that I am responsible for knowing where my phone is, and for keeping it in good condition.

• I will obey the rules of etiquette regarding cell phones in public places. I will make sure my phone is turned off when I am in church, restaurants, or other quiet settings.

• I will obey any rules my school has regarding cell phones, such as turning them off during class, or keep- ing them on vibrate while riding the school bus.

• I will alert my parents when I receive suspicious or alarming phone calls or text messages from people I don’t know.

• I will also alert my parents if I am being harassed by someone via my cell phone.

• I will not use my cell phone to bully another person.

• I will send no more than texts per day.

• I understand that having a cell phone can be helpful in an emergency, but I know that I must still practice good judgment and make good choices that will keep me out of trouble and out of danger.

• I will not send embarrassing photos of my family or friends to others. In addition, I will not use my phone’s camera to take embarrassing photos of others.

• I will not use my phone to buy or download anything without asking permission first.

Consequences

Then, include the consequences for breaking cell phone usage rules:

• I understand that having a cell phone is a privilege and that if I fail to adhere to this contract, my cell phone privilege may be revoked.

• If needed, I may help pay for the cost of the phone and/ or for excess charges that I incur without permission from my parents.

• I understand that my cell phone may be taken away if I talk back to my parents, fail to do my chores, or fail to keep my grades up.

Parent Responsibilities

Finally, detail the parent responsibilities, including:

• I understand that I will make myself available to answer any questions my child might have about owning a cell phone and using it responsibly.

• I will support my child when they alert me to an alarm- ing message that they have received.

• I will alert my child if our cell phone plan changes and impacts the plan’s minutes.

• I will give my child warning(s) before I take his or her cell phone away.

Signed [Child / Tween / Teen]    Signed [Parents] Date

Source: https://www.verywellfamily.com/a-sample-cell- phone-contract-for-parents-and-tweens-3288540

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The second sample contract is from Sean Grover and appeared in Psychology Today. His bio: “A psychotherapist and author with over 25 years of experience with kids and parents. He is a de- signer of award-winning youth programs and leads one of the largest group therapy practices in the United States, in addition to monthly workshops in clinics, medical centers, youth organizations, and schools.”
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“The Best Technology-Screen Time Contract for Kids” by Sean Glover

Kids crave structure, consistency, and leadership from parents. So rather than go to war over screen time, I recommend establishing a family culture around technology by sitting down and creating a Family Screen Time Contract.

The contract below provides a basic framework, allowing for flexibility and customization based on your kids’ ages and your family’s use of technology. Set aside a time to fill it in together, edit it, or use it as a jumping off point for discussion.

Each family is different, so each contact will be too.

Remember, the contract is not a punishment but a way to set healthy screen time boundaries for everyone in your family, including parents. Screen time devices include smartphones, computers, laptops, televisions and all game systems.

THE FAMILY SCREEN TIME CONTRACT

1. School Nights & Weeknights

Our family shuts down all our devices at o’clock. The devices remain off until the next morning. Devices will not be turned back on until everyone has finished breakfast, and is dressed and ready to leave.

2. Weekends & Holidays

Our family limits screen time on weekends and holidays to

___ hours/minutes per day.

3. Travel Vacations

After arriving at our destination, everyone in our family limits screen time to      minutes in the morning and minutes in the evening. We leave our devices in our hotel or vacation homes and don’t take them on activities, such as hiking, going to the beach, cycling, etc. If needed, one device may be designated to be used for directions, photos ,or emergency calls.

4. Screen Time Blackouts

Our family does not use our devices when we have: (check all that apply)

Meals together

Family gatherings

Friends visiting

Playdates

Sleepovers

To walk or drive

Add your personal family guidelines here:

5. Device Storage & Charging

Our family does not store or charge tech devices in our bed- rooms or playrooms. Instead, we keep our devices in a communal space, which is… .

6. Screen Time Privilege

Devices aren’t available after school until homework and chores are completed. Chores may include:

Making beds

Tidying up rooms

Doing dishes

Taking care of pets

Helping prepare dinner

Add your additional family chores here:

7. Alternatives to Screen Time

Our family recognizes that too much screen time is unhealthy. As a family, we each have weekly physical and creative activities such as (check at least three):

Exercise

Sports

Musical instruments

Art

Dance

Reading for pleasure

Add your own special activities here:

Signed    [Kid/Kids]     [Parents]

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The third sample is from the irrepressible Josh Shipp, a well-known parenting commentator and life force. His bio: “Statistically, Josh Shipp should be dead, in jail, or homeless. But his success as a preeminent author, speaker, and global youth empowerment expert is living proof of the power of one caring adult. A former at-risk foster kid turned youth advocate, Josh is renowned for the documentary TV series on A&E that followed his groundbreaking work with youth and families.”

CELL PHONE AGREEMENT

Dear Caring Adult,

This contract is designed to create an open line of communication between you and your kid regarding their cell phone.

The goal is to help your kid become a well-rounded person who can coexist with technology, NOT be ruled by it.

You probably find yourself in one of two situations:

1. They already have a cell phone with no clear rules in place.

Expect the conversation to be a bit tougher here. They will feel you are setting the ground rules after the game has begun. Admit that you made a mistake (we all do) and that because you care about them(which you do), that’s why we are doing this.

2. You’re about to give them a cell phone.

GOOD NEWS! There is no better time to get people to agree to what you want, than when you’re handing them a shiny new toy. “I just need you to review and sign this understanding about your cell phone -- then it’s all yours!”

Edit the contract on the next page as needed to make it your own.

Encourage your kid to ask questions…and don’t be afraid to have a few laughs along the way. Cheers,

Josh Shipp

Founder, OneCaringAdult

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Dear _______.

CONGRATS! You’ve proven yourself mature and responsible enough for your own cell phone. Given that you have a new cell phone in your hands, we obviously trust you to make good decisions—so why are we making you sign this lame thing that’s loaded with stuff that you probably already know? Well, let me get to the point.

A cell phone is more than a piece of technology. If used wrongly, it can be a weapon that puts your safety at risk. You’ve always been a great kid, and we want to make sure that you continue making smart choices.

The goal of this agreement is to make sure that you’re always safe and happy—and that we always maintain a direct and open line of communication. I’m asking you to always use your phone for good and to ask for help from me or a trusted adult when a situation leaves you feeling scared or unsure.

 I. Cell Phone Agreement - RULES

1) I understand that the rules below are for my safety and that my parents love me more than anything in the world. I under- stand that my parents want to give me freedom, while also giving me enough security to make smart choices. Initial here:

2) I promise that my parents will always know my phone pass- words. I understand that my parents have a right to look at my phone whenever there’s a need for them to do so, even without my permission.

Initial here:

3) I will hand the phone to one of my parents promptly at  __ pm every school night and every weekend night at __ pm. I will get it back at __  am. Initial here:

4) I will not send or receive naked photos. Ever. I understand that there could be serious legal consequences that could put mine and my parents’ future at-risk. Initial here:

5) I will never search for porn or anything else that I wouldn’t want my grandma finding. Initial here:

6) I understand that my behavior on my phone can impact my future reputation—even in ways that I am not able to predict or see. Initial here:

7) I will tell my parents when I receive suspicious or alarming phone calls or text messages from people I don’t know. I will also tell my parents if I am being harassed by someone via my cell phone. Initial here:

8) When I’m old enough, I won’t text and drive. I understand it’s dangerous and stupid. Initial here:

9) I will turn off, silence, and put my phone away in public – especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. I am not a rude person. I will not allow the phone to change this important part of who I am. Initial here:

10) I will NEVER use my phone to bully or tease anyone, even if others think it’s funny. Initial here:

I understand that having this phone is not a right–it is a privilege that can be taken away. As such, I have read the following document and agree to the above rules. I understand that if I have any questions, I should ask.

Sign here

II. Cell Phone Agreement

CONSEQUENCES

Violation                     Consequence

1st time

● Loss of the device - I broke the rule with for 6-days

● Sit-down discussion

2nd time

● Loss of the device I broke the rule with for one week

● Sit-down discussion

3rd time
● Loss of the device I broke the rule with for two weeks

● Sit-down discussion

● Loss of the device I broke the rule with until further notice.

4th time

(or if the violation is unlawful)

● In order to regain use of the device, I should be able to make a clear case about what will be different moving forward.

● Consider the help of a professional counselor to help get to the under- lying cause of disregard for the rules.

I understand that having this phone is not a right – it is a privilege that can be taken away. As such, I have read the following document and agree to the above consequences.

I understand that if I have any questions, I should ask. Signatures Here

Date   / Signatures

And there you have it. Get going on this tonight. Take control. Or risk losing your kid. Because yes, it's that simple.